Wishing everyone well, and life updates

Hi everyone,

Soooo...yeah. I've been a bit MIA, but not dead, and that is something I am very thankful for right now, considering this whole viral apocalypse we've got going on.  I would have said the last few years have been as crazy as usual, but in comparison, I'm gonna say the last few years haven't been that bad!

I hope everyone has someone right now to support them, and be close to, whether that's in person or online, and I hope you are doing all right. Sincerely. I hope that you and yours make it through this whole pandemic all right.

I am sheltering at home right now, so I will be having more time...which I would hope for writing, but it may be more focused on 'finding a job.'  If I can combine the two, I will.

I'm trying to get my website up and running again, but there were some technical difficulties and all my info on the pages were lost (2 copies even!) so I have to design the sucker from scratch all over again. It's gonna take a little bit, but then again...I have a little bit of time, now. 

Be safe, everybody.  Hopefully you'll be hearing from me real soon.

Ebooks up and website down

Just letting you all know, for any who check it, that the twistedhilarity website is currently down. I'm working on getting it back up ASAP! So, I have not fallen even further off the internet than I have been, just crazy stuff with the site going on.

And wow, am I late on the announcements, but the entire Husbands for Peace Series is up now for sale on amazon in ebook form, yee ha.

You can find book 2 here: http://tinyurl.com/yao9htou

Book 3 here: http://tinyurl.com/y7nlmszo

If you missed it the first time, Book 1 is available for sale here: http://tinyurl.com/ybvhjh2e

The artists for the first two covers was unavailable for the third, so the art style is different, but the story is the same. ^_^  Thank you so much to everyone who has purchased the books so far, and also for your reviews of the same!


Hope things are going as well as they can for everyone during this difficult time in the world.  You all take care out there!

Twisted

Husbands for Peace, the new ebook

It has been a crazy couple of years since I last posted, but I am back in the saddle again. And this time, I've got an ebook in hand, which surprises me probably more than it surprises you!

Part 1 of Husbands for Peace, a serialized novel originally published at yaoifix.com, is now out in ebook form at Amazon. This bad boy is so long that it's been broken down into three parts, with the second available for pre-order, and the third available in late summer or fall 2017. 

For those not familiar with the story, here's the synopsis!

Earth has been invaded and it seems the only thing the aliens want are spouses! When pretty boy soldier Noah Ashfield and stuck-up rich boy Vane Allen are 'recruited' and dragged aboard the starship, neither of them is thrilled, though maybe Vane will drop his incredibly annoying obsession with Noah if he is married? Even if Noah's spouse is male and alien and far too handsy. It's a battle of wills and colliding of worlds involving bondage, spanking, snarky pink-haired humans and grown brats who are stubborn beyond belief.

Basically, it's a big romp of sexy aliens, grumpy humans, and enough dubious consent to make all your kinky little dub con dreams come true.  

Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

SaveSave

Love Wins

I love the Twitter hashtag making the rounds today: #lovewins

The Supreme Court of the USA has decreed that all marriages - regardless of whether you love the opposite sex or the same sex - must be recognized as legal in all 50 states.

I read the news this morning and started crying. I have been giddy with joy over this all day long, interspersed with bouts of ecstatic crying as I think of those I love, those I know, those I never met who have had their entire lives altered by this.

It's been a long, long road, but I think the hashtag has it right, as tiny and simple as it is. Because I'm a sap, but I don't care: love wins. Not just love in terms of marriage, and two people's own happiness, but love for our fellow man (or woman). That kind of love that reminds us that we're all people and we all have worth.

And if we all have worth, should we not want the happiness for others that we enjoy ourselves? Companionship, love, family, children...really good sex.

Yes, we damn well should.

I'm so happy today. SO happy, and I hope that all of you out there have the most amazing day today, as well.

...and I'm still plugging away at the writing. Lots of family and real life drama that is hugely impacting most of my free time, but I keep working on it. ^_^

I have faith I will succeed. Know why? Because in 2003, a Supreme court decision struck down laws that made it illegal for a man to have anal sex in 14 different states in the USA. Today, a Supreme court decision legalized gay marriage in all 50 states. If within the span of 12 years we can go from having gay sex illegal in 14 states to gay marriage legal in all 50 states?

We can do anything. Including my getting my damn stories completed!!

TLPH update

After far, FAR too long, I've got an update. Please don't die of shock. It would be quite sad...and perhaps a bit twisted and funny, too, in a gallows humor kind of way.

But anyway, TLPH, chapter 40...because I decided that when the damn thing has grown to be around 22 pages long, it's no longer half a chapter anymore.  I'm still not happy with this, and there is NO way it could ever make the wait worthwhile - I don't know that even Shakespeare coule make this kind of wait worthwhile - but it's done. Yeaaa.

The Last Pure Human, Chapter 40

I would add on some fun Twisted son moments, but the poor little guy has been sick with a fever for the last few days so he is not a happy camper at all. I think the kid is trying to see if he can live off a popsicles and scowls.

Back in the Saddle Again

Hope everyone has been having a really lovely year so far! And now a brief update on how things stand. 

I made myself a goal to reach before I would feel like I could start trying to write again, and I finally, FINALLY hit it. :-)  50,000 words in 30 days.  So as of now, I am officially writing again. 

My health will still have a lot of ups and downs, but I'm finding ways to deal with it just fine. 

There will be a new story up at yaoifix in a little while, and TLPH will be updating on the site as soon as I finish it up. Then the other stories will follow, including finishing up some OLD fanfictions.

For right now, that's where things stand. I hope that there will be even more to talk about in the future, but I'm playing it by ear as I see how things go.  

Take care, and hope everyone has a great holiday season! 

Where I have been - The Twisted Tale of Real Life Twisted Hilarity

As you might have noticed, it's been a loooong time since I've updated this blog. Cue the sarcastic, 'No, really?' from the crowd.

If you are wondering what in the world happened to me, the short answer is:
I have been sick, and getting sicker, and no one could figure out why (my daughter's health was in the same state).  I think that makes it the third - or maybe fourth? - time this has happened in the last few years.

The long answer?

I have been sick with what I have now discovered is the weirdest freaking thing ever. Okay, maybe not ever, but it's pretty freaking weird. It is both Twisted and yet hilarious...in a twisted kind of way. If you have any friends or family where everyone says 'they're always sick' or 'it's like they're allergic to the whole world,' then read on, because I'm gonna advocate a bit for this thing.

But first, the other important question: but what about the stories?
They will be coming. When? I honestly don't know yet. I'm still working on trying to get things under control enough to write - both in time and health. I always hope days, or weeks, but it's likely going to be a few months. Or more than a few. I will post on twitter, live journal, and here when I put up a new chapter, though.


Now, as to what this weird thing is? It's called a 'Mast Cell Activation Disorder,' MCAD for short. That's not an actual name, as it turns out, because there's been so little research done on these yet that only a few of them have names. The rest get put on a medical version of 'Mast Cells Behaving Badly,' and we know that mine are, but not any more details than that. Turns out my daughter is in the exact same boat, so at least we know that much.

Officially, a person with MCAD has mast cells (the cells that trigger when we have an allergic reaction) that can trigger to any physical, environmental, or emotional stressor.

Which basically means that my mast cells can react to things that are NOT allergens as though they ARE allergens. This leads to some of the weirdest freaking reactions you've ever seen.  Aside from a huge variety of foods, I have allergic reactions to the scent in perfumes, shampoos, laundry detergent, aftershave, and cleansers. I'm having allergic reactions to touching ice (including in my mouth) or a hot shower or heat from the oven if it hits me in the face or even the change in temperature from the house to the outdoors. I react to friction over my skin, or pants that are too tight, or the smell of far too many foods.

I'm even having an allergic reaction to natural processes where histamine is released...like standing up. Every morning, I stand up and have an allergic reaction.

I am allergic to mornings. What did I tell you - twisted and hilarious.

Another natural process that releases histamine: strong emotions or stress. Tense scenes in a movie? Triggers an allergic reaction. Dealing with someone who is both a bigot and an idiot? Huge trigger.

Which means I'm also allergic to stupidity now. Awesome. 


I should say that I'm lucky. My reactions are not instantly anaphylactic. My cells are slower to release (some MCAD folk's are, some aren't), so if I get away from a trigger and lie down, rest, and take precautions, then I avoid the worst of it. Some folks go into anaphylaxis constantly; I have it SO much easier than that.

But unfortunately, when I trigger, it affects my mind, too. My memory gets spotty, my concentration is blown, and I often feel like I have a full blown case of the flu. It has made writing very difficult, if not impossible. I keep thinking I should be able to write, because I go out so much less now. But my available time doesn't matter all that much when I don't have the ability to remember things like the word for 'chair.'

Or 'dick,' for that matter.

You know you are totally screwed when you can't remember the word 'dick.'  Except, I guess, nobody's getting screwed when the author can't remember the word dick, eh? And yes, that really happened. It was sad. I may have had a bit of whiny hysterical moaning over it. And then possibly read Stiles and Derek smutty stories, because as long as someone else is providing the words, I can at least understand it.

I'll have to put up a list of fanfic recs that I've managed to collect on all the days I couldn't write, come to think of it.

Anyway - sorry for the rambling, brain still isn't fully online, yet - I still love to write and plan to get back on it again.  I'm just...figuring out how to live with this thing, now that I know what it is. It's taken me this long to remember that I have this blog. I actually forgot for a while. But again, anyway... anyone who wishes to learn more about this, for their own sake or someone they know, please, let me know and I'll share what I've got.

I'm sorry to say that the writing schedule is never going to be as good as it was right in the very beginning, and there will likely always be a bit of uncertainty to updating unless I can get some stories completely written ahead of time (like I've been doing for Husbands for Peace). Because some small, unavoidable things can make this disorder worse. Catching a cold or an insect bite can suddenly make you react to more things, for example, or react worse to the triggers you have, so you can be down and out for weeks afterward.

But I am continuing to move forward and I hope to be able to write again really soon. Probably won't be as soon as I like, or as you might like, but soon-ish. I hope.

Everybody take care, and I hope you had a great, well, year. Congrats to any readers who've had something wonderful happen: a new baby, a new spouse, a new...I dunno, puppy or kitten or ferret. New recipe. New experience. I just hope some wonderful things have happened to all of you this last year.

Twisted

When to expect the next TLPH chapter

I was really expecting to have it done yesterday, today at the latest, but the chapter is seriously kicking my butt. So tomorrow is what it's looking like for the next TLPH update. I hope you can really enjoy it!

And I hope everyone stays healthy this year and avoids the rather unsettling sounding flu that's spreading like wildfire. It looks to be a nasty one!


And, I'll leave you with a little Twisted son humor, because he cracks my ass up. And if you already
HAVE the flu, you could probably use a little cheering up, right?

My daughter was reading a book recently and as is usual for her, is telling us ALL about it. I mean all about it, every teeny little detail. Her younger brother is not all that enthusiastic about this.  So he cuts her off.

My son: It’s boring! 

My daughter:  No, it’s not! It’s a tragedy!

My son: Yeah. Blah blah blah DIE. Blah blah blah DIE.

My son, budding literary critic, LOL. 

In any case, have a great week, and you should be getting an update message from me tomorrow! :-)

New Year and Sex Pollen

Hope everyone is having a great New Year!  Personally, I have made some resolutions this year about writing that I am VERY hopeful for keeping. Plus, you know, budgeting (spend less, save more, check) and food (make better tasting foods, dammit) resolutions, too.

I've finished with the holidays finally (read: made it home, unpacked, and restocked the fridge with food), so now it's all starting. Tally-ho, ride 'em cowboy, and all that. Next TLPH chapter nearly done, and the book as well.

How about ya'll? Do you tend to make a New Year's resolution? If so, what ones did you do this year? How's it going so far?


And, to start your year right, a little bit of science for today that's completely relevant. I swear.

This: http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/mood-boosting-bacteria-found-dirt-213800904.html
Some bacteria in the soil actually makes you happier when it gets into your system, through inhalation, ingestion, whatever. It actually increases levels of things like norepinephrine - which I know is a good thing, even if I can't remember much about the stuff.

And why is this relevant? Why?

...one step closer to sex pollen, my friends. One step closer.

and another update. :-)

It's amazing what you can do when you get a little time away from the kids, isn't it? ;-D

The Last Pure Human, Ch. 38

TLPH Update

Got another one. :-D

The Last Pure Human, Chapter 37.

The next chapter after this should be done around tomorrow, barring catastrophe. And at this point, I never completely bar catastrophe. :-p

Hope all my fellow USA Americans had a happy Thanksgiving, and everyone else, a not-too-unhappy Thursday at work. ;-)

TLPH Update

This is your author.  ^_^
This is your author with kids and no babysitting. >_<
And THIS is your author who got some time to write. 0_0 (shocked speechless)

Woo hoo! You know, only took me nearly a freaking year, but I am finally updating. Two chapters, even!

The Last Pure Human Ch. 35
The Last Pure Human Ch 36

The Last Pure Human, for those who don't know, is the first book in what is intended as a series. This particular book will be coming to a close very soon, 4-6 more chapters, at the most. Kasan and Max's story arc will be pretty much done here unless I feel like tormenting Max a little more. However, some questions will be resolved in later books. And don't worry, Kasan and Max will still be actively involved in the other stories.

...which really just means that for once, you won't get to see Kasan and Max having sex over and over again, heh.

Once I finish TLPH, I'll be working on Nature's Choice and/or Ice Wind's Bride next. Along with trying to edit the crap out of some of the Inuyasha stuff I wrote on last year and writing up the last chapters so that's finally done.

I would say that I'm going to be continuing to pump out updates this month, but knowing me, that'll jinx it for sure. So, uh, there will be no updates for a 100 years. At all. Nothing to see here, Murphy's Law. Go pester someone else!

Hop Against Homophobia

Wonderful project finishing up today at Hop Against Homophobia.
I have my own addition up on my livejournal blog today: Twisted's LJ

Take a look at some of the wonderful blogs that supported this project. They're amazing!

Oh thank god, finally an update, TLPH

It took me forever and a day...and a half...but the next chapter of TLPH is done.

So, I'll just shut up and post the link:
Chapter 34, The Last Pure Human

Twisted-land

Hey all,
Hope you had a great New Year.

I've had a bit of a family issue the last few weeks (Murphy had to slip it in under the 2011 wire, obviously), but once again, we've picked ourselves back up, dusted everything off...and now are finally getting around to taking down the Christmas decorations.

Yes, it takes me a while. This is why I rarely decorate, because I have to put the decorations AWAY. I much prefer the lovely Heise pictures on my wall, year-round. I love those things.

Actually, since I'm still finishing up the chapter I thought I'd finish weeks ago, the least I can do is leave you with pretty picturees, right? Right. So, here's links to two of the art pieces that are in my living room:

http://heise.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=120#/d284v34

http://heise.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=120#/d298ag6

Enjoy. :-)

Never tempt fate

I am never, EVER saying I'm back in business to write. Never. Because that seems to have declared open season on Twisted's ass.

To quote some of the greats, 'WTF BBQ, Batman?!!'

1. I planned a trip around my hubby's work-travel, and his work travel got completely changed, so plans out the window, had to make new ones. And then had to do it AGAIN.
   
2. My kitty got bitten by a rattlesnake just days before we're to leave on our trip (she survived, though, and is currently tormenting my other kitties). Total stress, dealing with that and trying to get ready to go. Tons of money balancing.
3. We get here and I have an allergic reaction to coffee in the lobby of my hotel, then react AGAIN because I STOOD NEAR A HAY MAZE and some of it BLEW on me. 0.o Seriously, WTF?!

But I'm thinking, it's okay, I just need to survive a few more days and I'll be home. I can just rest and write and enjoy. Just a bit longer.

And then the DAY before I go home, I get in a car accident. T__T


So I'm kind of down and out right now. Stuck in another state (with family, though), waiting to see if my car is reparable or is going to be junked, and kind of incapacitated due to some fun neck stuff I acquired with my joyful car issue. Nothing major serious, no one else was injured, but not easy to move around much at the moment, either. Grrr.


Fate is a big, grumpy PMS bitch, I swear. And she's obviously dating Murphy. They can BITE me.

At least I'm writing along fairly well right now, but editing is a bit harder as I am doing most of my writing lying on my back and typing without looking on my laptop. I get up for short spurts at a time, and I usually spend it playing with the kids rather than editing. :-)

Speaking of, my son is now into making zombie paper dolls. I did not ask him to do this, I swear! He's just awesome that way, same way my daughter was awesome for making chibi felt zombies. Considering they are both so young that they've never even SEEN a zombie movie, this is probably a statement as to how deeply zombies have become part of our cultural heritage in the USA.

...okay, that may be scarier than actual zombies. ^_^

And I'm Back in Business

OMG - I have a computer again! It's like suddenly remembering what an orgasm is like after weeks without one. I missed it so, so much. And yeah, for those curious, I'm hunched over my computer like a little Gollum, rubbing the shiny white case and muttering 'my precious' over and over.

*cough* So I have a love/hate relationship with the thing. When it works, I love it. When it breaks, it is that evil bastard that I always knew would leave me someday and I hope it rots in hell. Although I want to call it a bitch, curiously. Suppose that's my latent lesbian tendencies coming to the fore, considering how much caressing it's getting right now.

Edit: And for those who wonder what evil befell my computer this time, it was the power button. Yeah, that's right, the power button, three months after the warranty ends. Because you don't need to build those to last or anything. They're hardly ever used, right? Frick - such a bunch of crap, I swear.

Okay, deep breath, good air in, emo-angst out. Ready to go on.

In any case, writing commences now, as fast as I can make it happen. Which, as NaNoWriMo has taught me, is about 800-900 words in 10 minutes, if I write like a crazy person and don't mind a few grammatical errors in my blitzkrieg of a first draft. Which is a good thing, 'cause sometimes 10 minutes is about all I've got these days.

Speaking of...

Since life is getting a little better this year than it was last, I believe I'm going to try for NaNoWriMo again. Hope it turns out well enough to put out...once all the other stories are done, that is. Wishing any other NaNoWriMo writers the best in their efforts this year, as well. If anyone has wanted to start a writing project and is having trouble motivating themselves to get it started, this might be something that you'd enjoy. Check it out.

Pause in updates - computer death

There will be a, hopefully short, pause in updating while I get my !#$@#$@% laptop computer repaired. Again. For the millionth time....and this was my new one! 3 months after the warranty ended, and my computer completely died.

Henceforth, I shall refer to the computer company as 'those rat bastards.'

All stories have been backed up on a different drive, so nothing has been lost. Phew! However, I can't access them with the software I have on our family computer, so they're kind of stalled. If I get desperate, I may just make shit up from scratch and go from there.

And annoyingly, the software that I use to access my website is ALSO on the dead computer. I will put up freaking text alone, if I have to, dang it.

I'll post here whenever - and wherever - I put up the next updates!

And on a side note - The movie Conan: not so good movie, but a very, very good ass. And set of abs. And chest - wow. Just...wow. I think I'll buy the movie when it comes out, take a photo of certain scenes, and just blow them up to put on my walls, holy god.

TLPH

Newest chapter up for TLPH: http://www.twistedhilarity.com/fiction/long/tlph/ch33.html

Wow have the last few weeks been wild. Went on an unexpected trip for 2 weeks - 8 of them as a road trip - and the vacation contained both awesome things and things that were unadulterated suck. A little nature, some cool monuments, and being around family. That was great. Lots of humidity, grumpy kids, and reacting to food in bad, bad ways. That wasn't so great.

As a result, the chapter I'd been hoping to polish up along the way was only half polished - so enjoy the chapter that's really the first half OF a chapter. We'll all pretend I meant it to be that way, yeah? ;-)

Well, this has been a bit neglected lately!

Goodness this has been neglected!

Well, Chapter 32 of The Last Pure Human is now up on the website, woo hoo!

A little tension, and little fun, a little sex. Everything a growing boy (and girl) needs.

A new chapter is up at Yaoifix.com as well this week for Husbands for Peace. For anyone not familiar with this, you'll need a subscription to the site to view more than the first couple of chapters.

In other news, life is getting hot out here in Twisted Desert Land. May and June are two of our hottest months, usually. I'll be spending lots more time outside in the shade, writing as I try and finish up TLPH and get it to its conclusion. Once that's done, I'll be focusing on the other stories to get them finished as well.

For all of you with questions on where Max came from, and what's going on with the other humans, not to mention more about the Kyashin and their planet - you may have to wait for some answers. This book will be finishing up in a few more chapters, but the Human series is not finished yet. A few more books are still in the making for characters we've already met, and those who haven't even made an appearance, and some mysteries won't be solved until we're a little farther into the story.

...but really? It's probably all just an excuse to mess with Max for more than one book. He just begs for it, doesn't he? ;-)