Friday, September 12, 2008

Secret Society of the Computer Inept

Yesterday, I was startled by the sound of my sweet, geeky, computer-guru husband laughing hysterically in our bedroom.  It didn't take long for him to come and show me what had made him laugh so hard it gave him stomach cramps.

And what does he say when he shows it to me?

I saw this, and all I could think of was you, honey.

Thanks, dear. And no chortling allowed over the fact that I own both a box of crayons and an abacus at this precise moment in time.  It's nothing but a cruel coincidence.

There is a shining light in the dark truth of this comic, however (aside from the gut-busting humor involved).  It's a reminder that we computer idiots have a connection.  You might think we're all alone in our oblivious world, but no!  We think and act against computers as one mind.  Did I not say in my very first blog that we would save the world someday?  Didn't I?!

You thought I was simply a computer idiot spouting my foolishness to the internet, but now, now you can see that I am not alone.  This highlights a little known fact: not only are we anti-computer geeks your future saviors, we are organized.  Knowing our duty to humanity, we have slowly been banding together.  Most of us have actually been initiated into the Blue Screen Avengers - a secret society that was started at the dawn of the computer age to prepare for the day when those overly logical, micro-chip carrying bastards would try to topple their masters.

Every meeting opens with a clip of the first Terminator being crushed to death by a hydraulic press, mostly to remind us that we need to figure out how to kill one of those suckers in ways that won't require us to use any computers whatsoever, including the damn hydraulic press.

For some reason, it grinds to a screeching halt whenever one of our members tries to start it up. Never fear, though, we're working on a viable solution. So far, the most promising one involves a key lime pie, mittens, and a salt water enema.

Don't ask.

Really, don't.  The computers might hear you.  So simply go about your business and enjoy your life, safe in the knowledge that your future is secure from AI machines coming after your ass in ways too gruesome to mention in mixed company. 

The Blue Screen Avengers will be there to save the day, so long as you don't have a computer lock on your house that we need to get through in order to save you.