Saturday, June 26, 2010

Of Health and Tomatoes

For those who may have been wondering where I've been, there's a brief update on my more personal blog, here: Twisted's Livejournal . Just a bit more crud in the health department that is clearing up, now that we've found yet another thing I need to keep out of my mouth to stay healthy. I will be known as The Incredible Reacting Gay-Romance Writer. I need a theme song or something.

However, my health is not what today's blog is about. Health fades to an insignificant dot, since I have discovered My Tomato.

I have been attempting to grow tomatoes for the first time ever this year. The plant limps along, just barely kept alive by a rather lackadaisical watering approach and the fact that I have let it roam free in my yard to forage for itself. But yesterday, it was discovered that the first fruit had begun to ripen. A pretty yellow color already, just ripe enough for a good fried green tomato recipe, so we picked it.

Then I really looked at it, and I suddenly realized that I am NOT obsessed with food as I had been thinking these last few weeks. Food is obsessed with me...

...
or at least with my writing.

Don't laugh. The only way to explain how this tomato turned out is a food's secret gay porn obsession. Really. The fact that this is the very first tomato from a plant that Twisted Hilarity has actually planted is so apropos that I think the world actually paused a moment as I saw it, to highlight the perfection of it all.




This, my friends, is my Twisted Tomato.




I am making THEME pictures out of this beautiful phallic thing, I swear to god. Actually, I took so many pictures of it, I could now fill a gallery. I'm obsessed. My breathing is impaired. And I am so tempted to get some GI Joe doll and make him do terrible things with this tomato, it's not even funny.

If this does not spawn something utterly cracked and wrong in my writing, than nothing will. ^_^

12 comments:

Kahlan said...

That is so awesome!

Erica said...

I have to admit, that is one amazing tomato. You know what you SHOULD do, read your drafts to the plant. I'm sure that would encourage further phallic splendor of the vegetable variety

Alexander said...

Maybe it could be part of the plot for a new story.
Guy meets giant gay horny Tomato.
Or at the least maybe you could have a story where one of the characters is part plant or something.

rachel said...

omg. that's just incredible! and hilarious!

lifelike said...

omg! how is it that the one tomato that looks like *that* turned up on your plant? your poor neglected plant at that?! that is seriously perfect.

TwistedHilarity said...

@Erica - oh HA, crap....I can just see it.

@Alexander - I swear, story ideas start flowing the second I saw that thing! I keep having visions of pornographic fruit that won't go away!

Kitty said...

I found a friend for him!!!
http://drx.typepad.com/psychotherapyblog/images/2007/06/03/tomato.jpg

TwistedHilarity said...

OMG, ha, that's awesome!

I think they will be very happy together...and perhaps a bit sore. That other tomato is hung!! ^_^

Lemon said...

Attaaaacck of the homo tomatoes! Ataaaaack of oh the homo tomatoes!


srsly though, i almost choked on my graped when i saw the picture of your perfectly penified tomato... much luv <3

Alice Montrose said...

Ahahahahahahaha your tomato is AWESOME! <3

Akasha said...

Hi!
I read this post a while ago, and just today I read a fic which brought your tomato-pic to mind:
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2476476/1/Forbidden_Fruit
Don't know if you've read it, but it rather suits your post ^^

CrimsonSnow said...

When I saw this, I immediately thought of the yaoi manga- tomato pretty. I read it a while back, because the summery's so cracked.

http://www.mangaupdates.com/series.html?id=8203